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Tuesday, 24 May 2011

All about Mothers

My mother MIQUEL BROWN is a singer, actress, and a beautiful woman, inside and out, We have had such a crazy life living in America (where we are from) when I was very young, travelling the world in a musical she was in and then settling in England by the mid ‘70s.

I always admired her so much, she is so capable, strong, funny and intelligent, but she also has an edge to her that I didn’t used to understand; now I think I do a little more because I have it too. There is a burden that motherhood carries which as a child you don’t realise and I always felt a bit sorry because I thought she was missing out on things because of me, or having to cope with raising me alone because she was so young when she had me, that said, I feel the same strain raising my own children alone and I’m a lot older than my mother was.

MothersI have started to love her even more, if that is at all possible, she is not old yet and in fact is looking and feeling better now than she did 5years ago! It is so amazing to see her losing weight, dressing up, wearing make up and feeling good about herself again, it’s as if she has a new lease of life! I realise by watching her that my life doesn’t just begin again at 40, but that I can keep beginning again and again if I want to, at any age, so long as I take care of myself, enjoy life and my children.

I think she enjoys me more now and we are great friends. I have issues to deal with on a weekly basis and always call her to talk things through, be it work, or children, money, men, she is still my mom and takes care of my emotions with me and gives me sound advice.

Sometimes I look at her and I feel a horrible ache at the realisation that one day in my life I won’t have her the way I have her now, to talk to and listen to, to hang out with; she loves me like no-one in my life has ever loved me, and that can be a lonely feeling, to know that the one person in your life you depend on, who loves you unconditionally, will one day not be there… morbid and silly maybe, but I guess part of growing up is trying to come to terms with that.

When I was very little, I used to get really upset imagining what if she ever died? I don’t know why, I guess I always had a fear of losing her, she used to sit and reassure me that she was never ever going to die, so not to worry about it, and that if she did die she wouldn’t die until she was at least 120 (cause God promised 4 score and 20) and that by then, I would be over 100 myself so really won’t mind at all!!

We have the same warped sense of humour, well hers is actually a little more warped but we do laugh at odd things sometimes. Like once we had a phone call from The States to say ‘Aunt Kat had been shot by Mr Dillard.’ I was only about nine at the time, listening to her on the phone, she looked at me knowing I’d heard her repeat what was said the other end and I looked back at her, we waited for each others reaction and then both burst into laughter!!!

It was so spookily unlike us as we would normally cry over something like that and weird that we both laughed and moreover, how hard and long we laughed for, until tears came, it was so bad she had to hang up! Once we stopped, we both looked a little awkward and confused, why were we laughing? What was funny? How did we know the other would laugh? But we never discussed it until years later as adults. I explained how Aunt Kat was a mean but beautiful woman, and how I was surprised that nice Mr Dillard would shoot her because he was always so smartly dressed and always gave me a quarter whenever he saw me, but that Kat was mean to me and would always say ‘your mother is never coming back’ and make me cry, so I guess I was laughing because it was the end of someone who was pretty flashy but mean on the inside like a TV character. My mother said, ‘Well, you are right, Aunt Kat was mean, and Mr Dillard was in love with her and she tortured him!’ We both stared at each other in horror at what we had both confessed and burst out laughing again!
Needless to say, she was not my REAL Auntie and we were not close to her or even knew her very well, but what a freaky unrehearsed reaction between mother and daughter!

My mom has lost so much weight recently that people refuse to believe she is my mother, I feel so proud of her and at times a bit jealous, I see her in her JIMMY CHOOS and I still cant even wear high heels yet, after recently tearing my ligaments and having them re-pinned on my inner AND outer ankle…ugh!

I remember when I was a teenager doing dance classes at Pineapple and my mother meeting me after class in jeans and a Burberry shirt back in the early ‘80s when she was a DISCO DIVA and a group of boys I had a crush on, but was too young to date, coming over and trying to chat HER up, thinking she was my older sister! I was so angry with her! They literally ruffled my hair but were grinning and pottering around her like Michael Jackson in THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL video!

I’d like to start dating and meet a wonderful man who will also love my children and my mom, but if I never meet him, at least I have a wonderful family and a fantastic friend and companion in my mother, and we can continue to explore this planet and introduce her grandchildren to the things we have discovered together.

  • Tuesday, 24 May 2011

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